Look, we keep being told—by pundits, pollsters, and a panoply of prognosticators—that the Republicans are absolutely doomed in November, that Trump is the lamest of ducks, that it’s all over, and that instead of voting, we should just stay at home in our double-wides being transphobes and hating The Odyssey because it has black people. And if you look at history—and we do look at history, because we know history didn’t begin in 1619—Republicans do have a problem. It’s a midterm election with a second-term president, or a third-term president, depending on whether you believe Joe Biden got 80 zillion votes in 2020, and the party in power typically gets its butt handed to it. The polls are all over the place, assessing the Republicans’ chances from “meh” to Nagasaki. The Senate GOP is busy putting the “nothing” in “do-nothing,” but there’s one shining glimmer of hope out there that the GOP may be able to pull victory from the jaws of defeat.
And that’s the Democrats themselves.
They so transcendently suck that they’re making the Republicans, who also transcendently suck, look good. Well, not good – less apocalyptically awful. And that might just be enough to stave off not only a Democrat Senate but a Democrat House.
Oh, that’s not a good thing. That’s pretty much relying on dumb luck. That’s hoping you find that bit of floating flotsam that Kate Winslet crawled on top of while Leonardo DiCaprio turned into a popsicle at the end of Titanic. But as the good Lord takes care of kids and drunks, He—take that, blasphemous imp James Talarico—also looks out for the GOP.
In the last couple of weeks, I’ve done a lot of media hits and found that I keep facing the same question, even from otherwise friendly interviewers. And it’s a good question.
“Kurt, what are the Republicans offering the voters as a solution to huge problems like affordability, war, and election integrity?”
And my answer is… I don’t know what the hell they’re doing. I know that we’ve got a bunch of poncy dorks running out the clock in the Senate after their constituencies have rejected them for their track record of failure, posturing and posing, and making sure that we absolutely don’t get anything done like the SAVE Act because if true conservatism means anything, it means not doing what conservatives actually want done. Or something.
We’ve got the House. We’ve got the Senate. Lord knows we’ve got the presidency. We even seem to have the Supreme Court. And what do we have to show for it? Actually, a hell of a lot. Donald Trump’s track record is incredible. He’s done more and achieved more and rolled back more of the communist march through our institutions than any president, including the glorious Ronald Reagan, ever dreamed of. But you know what? That was last week. Dudes, what have you done for us lately? That’s the question you’ve always got to answer as a political party, and the answer right now is “Diddly squat.”
Not merely by history, but by all rights, the Republicans should be doomed. But they’re not doomed. And they’re not doomed because the Democrats are so very much worse.
It’s awful to have to run on a platform of “Yeah, we suck but look at those guys—that’s some serious sucking.” But here’s the thing. While we suck, they seriously suck. They supersuck. They are a festival of socialist sucking of such insane intensity that it redefines the concept of sucking such that Stephen Hawking would need to do mathematical calculations otherwise applicable to a black hole to fully express the totality of their sucking.
Let’s look at what the new pinkos on the block had to say on last weekend’s Sunday morning shows. The Democratic Socialists of America is trying to engineer a hostile takeover as they somehow believe that the current crop of Democrats isn’t socialist enough. What’s on their agenda? It’s kind of astonishing that they say it out loud. Their chair, a behemoth called Megan Romer who looks exactly like you would expect the leader of the DSA to look like, came out against having a Senate, having a president, having a Pentagon, having borders, and having prisons. She didn’t hide it—obviously, hiding is not her strong suit—but instead proudly admitted it. This is the cutting edge of the Democrat Party. Congrats, guys. Even John Fetterman, who I used to consider a leftist and now he’s pretty much Genghis Khan in comparison to the rest of his party, called it “anarchy” and asked why the Democrats can’t call out the DSA.
Well, the answer is obvious. The base loves this stuff. And that’s because the base of the Democrat Party is composed of weirdos, losers, and mutations who aren’t just on the 20 side of every 80/20 issue but think that 19 of that 20 are themselves fascists who won’t go far enough.
And normal Americans aren’t going to like it.
Now, if we had a real media instead of a regime media, every single reporter out there would be asking every single Democrat candidate whether he, she, it, or whatever bizarre pronoun xir is using agrees that we’ve got too many criminals in prison, and too few men dressed as women lurking in teenage girls’ locker rooms, and that the borders aren’t open enough, and that illegal aliens need amnesty, and that the real problem with America is Americans having too much freedom, too many guns, and keeping too much of their own money. You know that if some Republican city council member from Lower Bumtouch, Iowa, awkwardly waved to his constituents, every Republican candidate would be grilled about where they stand on the guy Heil Hitlering people out in corn country.
But Democrat accountability is never going to happen because the regime media is not composed of hard-boiled neutral truth-tellers dedicated to bringing the American people objective facts. Modern journos are, instead, a bunch of failson goobers paying off their student loans by actively propagandizing for every commie idea that slinks out of a faculty lounge. And one of the best things that has come out in the 11 years since Donald Trump came down the escalator is that the American people have learned what a scam journalism is and stopped defaulting to somehow believing whatever the media tells them. There are STDs that poll higher than reporters.
Still, people are going to hear because the gatekeepers are gone. We’ve got the Internet. We’ve got talk radio. We’ve got X. We’ve got Fox. The Dems’ game plan depends on about hiding the truth, but they couldn’t hide it even if they retained a half-Nelson on the flow of information like they used to have. People can see with their eyes. Yeah, gas prices are high, but do you think the Democrats are going to make them lower? The Democrats don’t even like fossil fuels. They want to ban them. They like high prices.. And we remember where the high prices came from. Yeah, we’re frustrated, but at the end of the day, Joe Biden caused it, and there isn’t a Democrat out there who’s got an idea about how to make it better. It’s all going to be worse. If Democrats get their way, there’s going to be another dollar gas tax to give illegal aliens free gender-affirming care.
And we see these people in everyday life. That bitter woman in HR who keeps sending out memos about how you can’t celebrate Christmas, but it’s OK to cheer Kwanzaa, is exactly who will be running Congress if the Democrats win. Yeah, Donald Trump’s got his problems. Yeah, the Republicans are imperfect. But these people are crazy, to be charitable. They like criminals and perverts and welfare bums, and we’re expected to write the figurative check for it, whether it’s in our treasure in the form of taxes and higher costs, or in blood, in terms of our own daughters getting raped and murdered by the criminals they won’t lock up and the illegal aliens they won’t send back to Sheepdiddleistan.
Sure, Donald Trump’s achieved a lot of amazing things, but Americans have the collective memory of a gnat that’s gotten into the meth. Oh well. That’s how it is. That’s the reality. The Republicans are terrible. The Republicans have no positive vision of the future other than preventing the apocalypse that will come if we allow the people who made California and New York City hellholes to start running our country. “Vote for us because, while we’re off, we’re exponentially less awful than the Democrats” is a negative vision, but you know what? It might just work.
And pray it does, for America’s sake.
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