The progressive pod people have a new play, and you'd better be ready for it. It's called "normality." They pretend to appear normal, but they're not normal. Far from it. They're the same kind of alien ideologue as the rest of the mouth-breathing, purple-haired, pierced-nose, progressive freaks, but they are wearing a skin suit of a normal human, just like the aliens in "V" did. And they can't help but let their true nature loose once they get comfortable – the minute she got elected governor of Virginia, just like the alien chick in "V," Abigail Spanberger figuratively ate the hamster.
Yes, Spanberger tried to come across as a normal lady. She didn't do a very good job of it. She's awkward and weird, but she's precisely in the demographic of neurotic, hard-five wine women that the females and female submissive residents of blue northern Virginia swoon over. She successfully aped the mannerisms and modes of speaking of regular people enough to allow for Virginia to take a chance on a Democrat again after four years of success under relatively moderate Republican Glenn Youngkin. And the second she got sworn in, Democrats gerrymandered the whole state and began making plans to take your guns, raise your taxes, and to pour an endless stream of poop into the Potomac River. Great work, everybody.
Now the Democrats are looking to her as the template for pulling off the same scam across the United States, and she's getting a primo slot after the State of the Union address when she gives the Democrat response. But that's problematic for her and fakes like her. The Democrat response to Donald Trump is to scream that he is a Nazi, a racist, a fascist, and also a Nazi. That's what the Democrats are expecting. Normal people who might consider voting for a Democrat don't want to see that, so she's got to walk a tightrope and satisfy both the lunatic and the low-information demographics all at once.
This tension is a problem for any Democrat candidate because, on one hand, he's got to distance himself from the bizarre 80/20 positions that the Democratic Party insists its standard bearers adhere to for the benefit of normal people, while wholeheartedly embracing these nutty ideas. And that can be tough.
For instance, take immigration. Regular Americans, being nice people who default to the idea that everything should be normal all the time even when it is demonstrably not normal, get queasy when ICE agents have to be a little rough on screaming idiots who are resisting arrest and Third World barbarians who are trying to escape back into our population so they can continue their orgy of rape, looting, and murder. It's aesthetically displeasing to a normal person. They wish they didn't have to see it. That's what the Democrats are focusing on, the aesthetic issue. "ICE is mean, and they're wearing masks, and they're not nice to people getting in their faces or raping people!"
But, while normal people don't want to watch things like that happen, they also don't join with the Democrats in concluding that because illegal aliens and the leftist scumbags who love them are resisting arrest and deportation means that we have to give up on arrests and deportation and allow infinite Third World invaders into our country on our dime forever. The polls are very clear – the majority of Americans think that we should obey the law and deport illegal aliens. They would just like to do it in a kinder and gentler way because a lot of Americans are soft, and they are able to be soft because tough guys like the ones in ICE have made America safe enough for people to be soft.
The real Democrat position, and what these allegedly normal politicians believe, is that absolutely nobody should be deported ever, except maybe American patriots. They truly believe our border should be open, a belief that stems not from some inherent altruism but from their conviction that most illegal alien peasants who come here will eventually vote Democratic to keep getting free money and stuff forever, thereby replacing the unruly and uncooperative population of normal Americans that is standing between Democrats and unlimited power. The Democrat who is pretending to be normal won't say that out loud. They'll make noises about how we need a kinder, gentler system, and they'll talk about due process – though apparently, we citizens don't get due process because you can't deport illegals even after they've gone through the due process and lost.
But at the end of the day, the fakers aren't going to want to deport anybody, and they don't have to worry about the regime media asking about it. The regime media understands that they must never place a Democrat in a position where he might be subject to cross-examination of his absurd and unpopular beliefs, so this farce can go on. They can avoid it even in a debate. Remember how Winsome Sears asked Abigail Spanberger about whether her ticketmate for VA attorney general should be attorney general after publicly wishing for the murder of Republican politicians' children to teach them a lesson about not being Republican anymore? Spanberger just sat there, mute, not saying anything, and that was fine with the regime media. Anything to pull the okey-doke on the voters!
Some of these goofs are actually pretty good at this scam, but they haven't really been tested. Andy Beshear, the governor of Kentucky and a 2028 short lister, fakes it very well with his tiresome hicklib act. He's got the benefit of having a legislative supermajority that essentially makes him powerless, so he never really has to do anything that actually gets made into law. His plan is to run on a platform of "Hey, I look like your normal neighbor who might want to sell you term life insurance, and I haven't been able to actually do any damage!" But he is also subject to the leftist ideological overseers. There are a whole bunch of clips of him out there standing firmly in favor of surgically mutilating children to conform to the delusions of their Munchausen mommies, which he tries to pass off as allowing families to freely decide on their own medical choices. Well, America is pretty much done with carving up kiddies for the amusement of perverts and lunatics. It's hard to come across as normal when your reaction to a boy who likes the color pink is to grab a scalpel and castrate him.
Others think they are pretty good at this scam, but seem to be faltering as they are tested. James Talerico in Texas is another of these. He tries to play Christian in the sense that he says "Jesus" a lot. But it's not the Jesus you know. Lefty Jimmy Swaggert – he's Number One on the "Don't Wanna See His Browser History" list – is to Christianity what school cafeteria mystery meat is to A5 Wagyu steak. This creepy heretic is just straight out blasphemous when he insists that Jesus was cool with abortion, and also that Jesus is no big deal because all religions are equally valid. You know, a basic principle of having a religion is believing your religion is right, and this Temu Buttigieg can't even successfully pretend to do that. In any case, next week, we will find out if he has the chops to beat Jasmine Crockett (D-Stereotype) for the Senate nomination. My guess is the Lone Star State Democrats will go with ghetto fabulous over flat-out demonic.
It's kind of strange that the parties both share something in common with those who are alleged to be insufficiently ideologically in tune with the base. Conservatives get mad when GOP candidates aren't conservative enough, and candidates try to be as conservative as possible. And Democrat candidates likewise try to pretend to be conservative, or at least conservative adjacent, in order to win.
Gee, it's almost like America is a conservative country. Now, if we only take the time to make sure that the candidates we vote for actually align with what we believe.
Read Kurt Schlichter's JUST RELEASED new bestseller in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic conservative action novel series, "Panama Red," and follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter.
My super-secret email address is kurt.schlichter@townhall.com
