Leave it to the Democrats and their regime media flunkies to take the 1 percent side of a 99 percent to 1 percent issue, but a whole bunch of them, including Gavin Hairstyle and Jake Tapper, got into a high dudgeon the other day because normal Americans rejected the demand of radical Muslims to give up our puppies. Given the choice between Fido and Muslims who hate canines, the American people came down four-square in favor of Lassie. This is why you don't ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer.
But let me reiterate something. No one, not the frigid white women descendants of the Pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock, nor the newest refugee from the aspiring Muslim caliphate, gets to tell us we can't have our dogs. Mess with the pups and it is on, not like Donkey Kong but like the Gates of Freaking Vienna.
In such a scenario, John Wick is the moderate solution.
There was so much tiresome posing in defense of Moorish prerogatives when this all came down; of course, it was a radical Muslim who started it. Some New York City, green/red, non-player character improbably named Nerdeen Kiswani tweeted, "Finally, NYC is coming to Islam. Dogs definitely have a place in society, just not as indoor pets. Like we've said all along, they are unclean." When Americans responded with the appropriate contempt, she retweeted several like-minded tools urging the banning of dogs and, of course, blamed "the Zionists."
Not coincidentally, we all remember the special viciousness Nerdeen's Palestinian pals had for murdering the dogs of the Jews they butchered on October 7.
Now, a lot of this "heritage American" stuff is nonsense. Immigrants who come here, assimilate, and join us are Americans. But skeevy foreigners like this immigrant from imaginary "Palestine" who come here and immediately demand that we Americans who have been here more than five minutes conform to their alien culture and religion can pound sand. And to facilitate said sand pounding, they should be shipped back to their sandy desert homeland, where they can pound sand to their heart's content.
Representative Randy Fine, who often puts the "loose" in "loose cannon," decided to weigh in on the debate with the following tweet: "If they force us to choose, the choice between dogs and Muslims is not a difficult one."
And he was right that if they force us to choose, we'll choose our dogs. See, no one gets to tell us we can't have dogs, but that was exactly what Nerdeen was saying. She wants dogs declared unclean on behalf of Islam. We prefer live and let live, but she took that off the table, so now we're going in a different direction.
To the shock of no one, no significant Democrat has come out against a dog ban. They can't possibly pushback on one of their constituencies, no matter how insane or evil. The best the regime media could do was scoff that banning dogs is impractical, so we should not worry about it happening. Of course, a few years ago, we never worried about boys pretending to be girls getting the full and unequivocal backing of the Democrat Party when they wanted to invade your daughter's locker room and beat her to a pulp on the sports field. There is a huge difference between "No, this idea is evil" and "You are overreacting because implementing it might be hard."
Instead, the usual submissives raged at the horror of Rep. Fine taking caninophobic foreigner Nerdeen's challenge. Freshly minted foreign policy prodigy AOC demanded Rep. Fine be punished for his brazen refusal to submit. Jake Tapper fulminated at Rep. Fine's tweet, "Disgusting bigotry." I need to understand how that works – I'm presented by someone saying that my dogs are unclean on the basis of Islam, and I don't get to reply "Nah—not doing that"? I guess if I want to meet Jake's exacting moral standards (not to be confused with his exacting journalistic standards that kept him from pointing out Biden's senility until Grandpa Eggplant was out of office and the book deal check cleared) I have to accept and submit to the demands of an alien culture that wants to come here and dictate what parts of my culture we Americans can be allowed to keep intact.
Not in the cards, Jakey. You can think of me as a bigot, Islamophobic, or anything you want except a vegan, but I'm on Team Woof, not Team Woke.
And, of course, Gavin Newsom's social media brain trust had to weigh in: "Atrocious words. Randy, resign. Now." I'm sure Randy will get right on that. But hey, thanks for the attack ad fodder: "Gavin Newsom sides with creepy America-hating immigrants who think dogs are unclean and demand you give yours up. JD Vance sides with you and your puppy."
Now, let's be clear on this Muslim/dog thing. It's real. How do I know? Like millions of other Americans, I saw it firsthand in Muslim countries. When we were in Kosovo, our commander was Brigadier General Bill Wade, a great guy. One day, some of our local liaisons informed him that the locals' annual dog cull would be taking place. The general inquired further, finding out that they were going to go out and kill every stray dog they could find. And BG Wade replied, "The [BLANK] you are." And because we had two infantry battalions and Apache gunships, the locals wisely complied.
Other vets have less heartwarming stories of the cruelty to dogs they witnessed overseas. We need to be fair and honest, and the truth is that some Muslims don't consider dogs haram – unclean – and are willing to treat dogs in the manner of civilized people. But that doesn't mean that's not a tenet of faith for a significant portion of the Muslim world. A significant number of Muslims hate dogs, and as has Nerdeen, some Muslims who have come to the West have demanded that we accommodate their bigotry against these wonderful creatures.
Well, no. We're not submitting on dogs or, for that matter, on booze or on women in burqas (I always giggle at the thought that they contend the guy who wants to cover women's bodies is not your local fanatical imam but Donald J. Trump, that famous prude). This is our country, and we like it how it is. If you want to come here, you can bring your food – I had some delicious hummus for lunch today – but you can keep your weird social pathologies about women, wine, and woofs, too.
Are these sincerely held beliefs that you just can't give up? Well, then go the hell home, and don't let the door hit you on the thobe on the way out. The sheer gall of people we allow in (or, in the past, did not allow legally) to come here immediately dictating how we need to behave is astonishing, especially since we've been to their garbage homelands and know where their brand of culture leads.
So, here's how this goes. We are not going to accommodate anyone who dislikes dogs for any reason. Our dogs are more exponentially important than the people who hate or dislike dogs. If you think that makes us bad people or bigots, that we need to comply and submit in order to get your approval, understand that we are completely indifferent to your opinion. And if it's a choice between you and Bitey and Barkey, that's the easiest call I'll ever make.
Understand that this is not open to debate. Sure, the Democrats should feel free to bring up their new "No dogs because these aliens will be sad if you are happy" platform, but we're not going to do that. We're going to keep our dogs as we always have. If someone comes to our civilization, he, she, or them is going to respect our pets, or there's going to be trouble.
Like I said, John Wick is the moderate position.
Read Kurt Schlichter's JUST RELEASED new bestseller in the Kelly Turnbull "People's Republic" conservative action novel series, "Panama Red," and follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter.
Editor's Note: We're not going to let radical Islam and its dog hatred stop us from loving and owning man's best friend.
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