Tipsheet

Today, We Celebrate the Greatest Decision Joe Biden Ever Made During His Failed Presidency

 Nothing more needs to be said here. It’s the one-year anniversary of the greatest decision Joe Biden ever made for his failed presidency and arguably for the country. Today, we celebrate his exit from the 2024 race. 

My Fellow Americans, 

Over the past three and a half years, we have made great progress as a Nation.

Today, America has the strongest economy in the world. We've made historic investments in rebuilding our Nation, in lowering prescription drug costs for seniors, and in expanding affordable health care to a record number of Americans. We've provided critically needed care to a million veterans exposed to toxic substances. Passed the first gun safety law in 30 years. Appointed the first African American woman to the Supreme Court. And passed the most important climate legislation in the history of the world. America has never been better positioned to lead than we are today. 

I know none of this could have been done without you, the American people. Together, we overcame a once in a century pandemic and the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. We've protected and preserved our Democracy. And we've revitalized and strengthened our alliances around the world. 

It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your President. And while it has been my intention to seek reelection, I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as President for the remainder of my term. 

I will speak to the Nation later this week in more detail about my decision. 

For now, let me express my deepest gratitude to all those who have worked so hard to see me reelected. I want to thank Vice President Kamala Harris for being an extraordinary partner in all this work. And let me express my heartfelt appreciation to the American people for the faith and trust you have placed in me. 

I believe today what I always have: that there is nothing America can't do — when we do it together. We just have to remember we are the United States of America. 

Yeah, this letter was necessary because Donald Trump wiped the floor with you before a national audience during the CNN debate in June, your donors stopped giving you money, everyone wanted you gone, and your agenda sucked. No one liked you, Joe, not even members of your party. They just tolerated you because your name wasn’t Donald J. Trump. 

Also, do you think that’s Biden’s real signature?  

Anyways, Jill or whichever staffer who was part of the team running the country, because you sure as hell weren’t in charge, drafted a nice exit letter.  

So, goodbye again, you miserable failure. Thanks for laying the groundwork for us to devastate Democrats that year.