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The Onion Accurately Predicts Story About the Taliban

AP Photo/Wali Sabawoon

When the last U.S. military plane departed Afghanistan, Taliban fighters rejoiced. They quickly toured the Hamid Karzai International Airport to see what equipment was left behind in their newly procured gear, making them nearly indistinguishable from Western forces. Many posed for photographs after the U.S. withdrawal was complete, raising their fists in victory.

But less than a month later, it looks like The Onion was right. Some fighters are having a hard time adjusting, according to a Washington Post piece that critics say attempts to humanize the terrorists.

Since celebrating the fall of Kabul a month ago, after years of waging a holy war to overthrow the U.S.-backed government, the 250 Taliban fighters under Abdulrahman Nifiz’s command have struggled to adjust to their new day job: the mundane task of securing a city.

“All of my men, they love jihad and fighting,” he said. “So when they came to Kabul they didn’t feel comfortable. There isn’t any fighting here anymore.”

Just months ago, the unit was staging attacks on government outposts and convoys. Now the fighters are standing at checkpoints, searching cars and inspecting vehicle registrations.

“Many of my fighters are worried that they missed their chance at martyrdom in the war,” Nifiz said. “I tell them they need to relax. They still have a chance to become martyrs. But this adjustment will take time.” (WaPo)

While the Taliban may not be fighting Western and Afghan forces anymore, fighters have turned their attention to decapitating children, hunting down any Afghan with ties to Western organizations, and beating and torturing journalists and former civil servants, soldiers and police. 

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