Wealth, fame, and success still don’t make us happy — but strong relationships do.
That has been the consistent message from the Harvard Study of Adult Development — the longest-running scientific study of adult life in the world.
The study began in 1938, tracking the health and well-being of 724 young men — 268 Harvard College sophomores and 456 boys from some of Boston’s toughest inner-city neighborhoods. Researchers interviewed their parents, conducted medical exams, and followed the participants closely for the rest of their lives.
Nearly 90 years later, researchers are now studying more than 1,300 of the original subjects’ offspring and their spouses. The findings remain rock-solid: good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period.
Harvard psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, the study’s fourth director, summed it up this way in a Harvard Gazette interview: “Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
And Americans are increasingly lonely.
A 2025 Pew Research Center survey found that 16 percent of U.S. adults say they feel lonely or isolated all or most of the time, and 38 percent say they sometimes feel that way.
So why do we ignore what we already know?
We chase success, more money, and bigger houses stuffed with more things.
We’d rather scroll our phones than call our friends. We have more “virtual” connections than ever, yet people report feeling lonelier than ever.
Meanwhile, happiness — which might be sitting right across the dinner table — gets neglected.
The Harvard team found that it’s not the number of relationships that matters — it’s their quality. You can be lonely in a crowd. You can be lonely in a marriage. What counts is having even one or two people in your life you can rely on when everything goes sideways.
Relationships take time and effort — but the payoff is better sleep, better mental health, better physical health, stronger memory, and longer life. The real fountain of youth isn’t bottled water with electrolytes — it’s having someone who will drive you to the doctor and stick by your side when you need help.
Think about your own happiest moments. They didn’t involve impressing people with a fancy job title or showing off a big new SUV.
No, your happiest memories involve the people who touch the deepest part of who you are: your spirit and soul.
The key to happiness: friends who make you laugh so hard your gut aches; relatives who sit with you when life hits you hard; loved ones who turn ordinary days into warm, lasting memories.
Here’s another kicker: fame and fortune often make happiness harder. When you’re rich and a bit famous, the people who want something from you multiply — but the people who are there for you, no strings attached, shrink.
You never really know who your true friends are until the money is gone.
If you want to be happier and healthier, put quality relationships first. Call your siblings. Meet a friend for lunch. Play cards with neighbors. Show up when someone needs you. Let others show up when you are in need.
Or to rephrase the great Kenny Rogers: All anyone needs to be happy is people to love, people to do things with and people to look forward to doing things with.
Find Tom Purcell’s syndicated column, humor books and funny videos of his dog, Thurber, at TomPurcell.com. Email him at Tom@TomPurcell.com.
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