If you ever wanted irrefutable evidence of Democrats’ hate for white men, all you’d have to do is point to the rogues’ gallery of weirdos, losers, and mutations they’ve nominated over the last few election cycles. It’s like they don’t actually know any normal white dudes, because the people they pick in a baffling attempt to recapture this large and crucial group of voters—who have almost completely rejected the Democrats—are simply bizarre. How did they ever get the impression that these freakish nominees would somehow make normal white guys go, “Yeah, I identify with him. I’ll vote for him. Now, it’s off to the Porta-Potty with some champagne and a dozen roses.”
As a male-identifying person of paleness, I’d be pretty insulted if I gave a damn what Democrats thought. I’m just happy to see them screwing up with my demographic.
And they really are screwing up with it. Here’s the conundrum. They need our votes, but they don’t like us. White guys aren’t welcome in the Democrat Party, at least not unless they have some sort of asterisk and a total dedication to the ideology. With Pete Buttigieg, who has definite Ivy League Alfred E. Neuman vibes, the asterisk is that he’s gay. That made him tolerable, along with his absolute willingness to submit himself to bizarre left-wing orthodoxy. You remember how roads are racist? He managed to do that with a straight face. Yeah, homeboy knew where his bread was buttered, and it’s his slavish devotion to leftist weirdness that gets him a pass on being a person of pallor. Well, except for among blacks, where he polls an amazing 0% for 2028.
White men were not always anathema in the Democrat Party. Palefaces with penises used to be welcome. The white working class was a huge part of the party—you know, tough union guys and that sort of thing. Well, over the years, the white union guys figured out that a party run by wine women, race hustlers, and campus communists didn’t have a lot of concern for their interests. In fact, it was mostly concerned with neutering them, first figuratively, then literally during transmania. Democrats were happy to send their jobs overseas. They were happy to tell men that they sucked. And they were happy to choose soft hands over hardhats.
As it became the party of credentialism—they will tell you they’re educated, but there’s no one dumber than a college graduate—there was less and less room for folks who worked with their hands because the new Democrats simply despised them. Today, Dems talk a good game about the working class, but the kind of “working” they are talking about are the kind of tasks performed by college professors, DMV clerks, and HR managers.
They’ve completely lost touch with people who actually do things, who build things, and make things. Mike Rowe is everything they hate and fear. There was a great example in recent weeks as Democrats publicly wet themselves over pictures of the reflecting pool being repaired and the new East Wing of the White House being built. Those photos were supposed to show how these landmarks have been totally destroyed by the evil Trump monster. Normal people look at these pics and say, “Oh, those are construction sites,” and wonder what the big deal is. But here’s the thing. There’s a very real chance the Democrats don’t understand the concept of construction. They don’t understand that it’s not finished. And while it’s tempting to believe that nobody can be that stupid, well, they’re Democrats.
They hate white guys because men actually make something besides synergy and problems, and because they refuse to apologize for their testicles. The male part is terrible, except when it’s not, but we’ll get back to Graham Platner in a minute. They also hate these men because they’re white, since white people are bad because of reasons, and shut up, and 1619, and whatever. That’s why, when they need a white man, they look for that asterisk. Kamala, who’s never been around a normal white guy in her life, decided that the obvious candidate for vice president was Tim Walz. His asterisk was his resume. He was a total leftist, but an Army guy who liked sports and was from one of those flyover states, so the suckers would love him. But, of course, every white guy took one look at him and his weird jazz hands, and that was that. They were furious that normal white guys rejected him. They just didn’t get it. They were offended that we didn’t fall for their scam, but we have to credit them with not knowing it was a scam. They really thought Tim Walz was the kind of guy normal guys looked at and said, “Oh yeah, Eastwood, Wayne, Walz.”
This election cycle has seen the Democrats try to address their white guy deficit by going to two opposing extremes. In Texas, they picked a white male Democrat who makes Tim Walz look like Sylvester Stallone—he’d be particularly excited about the getting oiled-up part. James Talarico could be kindly called gender ambiguous, but there’s no real ambiguity. He’s a male in the way that Boone’s Farm is a wine.
Talarico, of course, also allowed them to try the Christian grift. They know about as much about Jesus followers as they do about dudes. It was kind of hilarious how they were completely blind to the fact that all his stuff about Jesus is heretical blasphemy. It was beyond their comprehension that there might be different kinds of Christians—in this case, Christians who are Christian as opposed to pseudo-Christians who subscribe to whatever kind of Unitarian pinko baloney this little demon spews. The fact that he thinks meat is murder doesn’t help, and until Graham Platner’s latest revelations, Talarico’s laughable attempts to convince us that he was down with a hot Latina chick—she was not hot and there was no way they were down to anything—were the funniest meme in American politics.
At the other end of the spectrum of male pathology sits the aforementioned Herr Oysterfuhrer. To Democrats who don’t know any better, he’s a manly man, with beard stubble, a DD214, and history of abusive relationships. There have been arguments on social media that his many, many, many problems—there’s a new one every day— just go to show that he’s a regular guy. Democrats think normal guys are all toxic, unstable weirdos with a bizarre homoerotic secret. But, of course, Tattboy couldn’t keep that a secret—apparently, he revealed to one of the several women he was in an abusive relationship with that he yearned to dominate any man he caught trespassing in his house through the power of man rape. But he was very clear that doesn’t make him gay. I guess prison rules apply.
What the Democrats’ choices of white males to represent their party and appeal to white males who have doubts about a party of frigid wine women, neutered fem-boys, and race communists tells us is that they have nothing but contempt for us. They despise us. They hate us. And that’s why they pick these creeps to try to appeal to us. They think we’re just as loathsome.
What’s particularly funny is how mad they get when it doesn’t work:
“Don’t you see Talarico standing awkwardly next to his girlfriend? Here’s a photo in a truck, and he’s got a cowboy hat! Why won’t you fall for it? And Platner’s a drunken, unstable bully with bizarre sexual fantasies—why won’t you appalling non-melanin, non-menstruating individuals identify with him?”
See, us white males are making them mad because we won’t do what they want us to do. We refuse to obey yet again. That’s how this whole thing started. We selfishly admit we are the worst people in the history of humanity and the cause of everyone else’s problems. And now, we won’t do what’s expected of us by embracing these bizarre caricatures of actual manhood. What the hell is wrong with us?
Well, there’s nothing wrong with us. We white guys are pretty terrific. And we’re not dumb. We’re smart enough to know who hates us, and in the next election, we’re going to prove it.
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