Having given up on the notion that diversity is a strength under the crushing weight of the evidence, The New York Times is now pushing the idea that America has always been a diverse nation that loved diversity, and practically made diversity a founding principle, and they would even have added "diversity" to Mount Rushmore if only they could find someone, ideally a lesbian woman of color, with that surname.
For example, the preamble to the Constitution states that its purpose is "to secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity" -- obviously meaning their own descendants, as well as the descendants of Congolese, Bangladeshis and Cameroonians.
To prove that America was teeming with diversity from its very beginning, a Times op-ed by documentary producer Leighton Woodhouse describes the bitter enmity in Colonial Pennsylvania among the Quakers (from north-central England), the English Anglicans (from all over England) and the Scots-Irish (from Scottish Lowlands and Northern England).
Not only were the original Americans from an area of the world smaller than Kansas, but as DNA tests now prove, the Irish, English, Scottish and Welsh have nearly identical genes -- as noted by Times science reporter Nicholas Wade in 2007. (And by the way, everybody hated the Quakers.)
But suppose we didn't notice something fishy about Woodhouse trying to pass off blinding homogeneity as "diversity."
Neighbors and families feud. Heard of the Hatfields and McCoys?
The last two Jews in Afghanistan hated one another's guts. Their animosity subsided only when one died of old age. Therefore, by Woodhouse's lights, there's no such thing as "Jewish." It's a polyglot ethnicity, encompassing Papua New Guineans, Djibutians, Uighurs -- anybody.
Similarly, the fact that Iranians in Los Angeles have been holding competing demonstrations almost weekly since both sides of the 1979 Iranian revolution relocated there means "Iranian" is an unidentifiable ink blot. Mexican drug cartels, Korean boy bands, the North Pole's Eskimos -- they're all part of the beautiful mosaic that makes up an Iranian.
America's wild diversity is reflected in its founding document. Every signatory to the Declaration of Independence was British or Dutch. So were the vast majority of American presidents, every single one of whom was at least part English. All but one declaration signer and two presidents have been Protestant.
So Woodhouse almost had us fooled with his We've Always Had Cannibals and Child Rapists op-ed.
While it's totally believable that Times readers have no concept of American history from 1620 to 1970, it's hard to believe they also have no idea what's happening right now. Only someone who willfully stuck his head up his butt could fail to notice that recent immigrants aren't exactly blending.
News you would not encounter during America's first 350 years:
"Maryland Man [Kenyan immigrant] Arrested After Admitting to Killing, Eating Roommate" -- U.S. News and World Report. (It was the "eating" that disqualified the suspect for cashless bail.)
"ICE arrests illegal immigrant accused of child rape in Framingham, Massachusetts" -- WCVB Channel 5, Boston. (This story has become so common it's on Page 27 of the paper, next to the horoscopes.)
"Undocumented migrant accused of molesting 5-year-old in her own home" -- WPTV News, Florida. (Sorry, but this is what happens when you give 5-year-olds their own homes.)
"Trial [of Iraqi immigrant Faleh Hassan Almaleki] Begins in Arizona 'Honor Killing' Case" -- Associated Press. (After being arrested, the suspect surrendered his firearm and his "World's Greatest Dad" hoodie.)
"Texas dad Yaser Said found guilty of fatally shooting teen daughters in 'honor killings'" -- Associated Press. (Defendant said to the quintessential "Texas dad.")
"Attempted 'Honor Killing' Trial: Ihsan Ali Learns His Fate" -- COURT TV. (In addition to getting the silent treatment from his daughter.)
"Santeria Ritual Sacrificial Practices in Miami" -- Florida International University. (Suspects said to be not particularly devout, more like Christmas and Easter santeros.)
"Animal cruelty investigation underway after bag with 3 mutilated birds found in Putnam County ..." -- ABC7, New York. (No word yet on how the suspects got to Putnam County from Springfield, Ohio.)
"A ring of beheaded chicken carcasses was found in a Southwest Miami-Dade intersection" -- CBS Miami. (Fed up with chicken carcasses in public spaces, Hispanic neighbors are demanding more severed heads.)
"Animal sacrifices on the rise in Queens with chickens, pigs being tortured in 'twisted' rituals" -- New York Post. (Bodies were transported to nearby veterinary clinic, then pronounced "delicious on arrival.")
"ICE, federal partners arrest more than 1,400 illegal aliens in Massachusetts ... including murderers, rapists, drug traffickers, child sex predators and members of violent transnational criminal gangs" -- DHS Press Release. (After the arrests, witnesses say several Harvard dorms were all but deserted.)
"ICE Arrests the Worst of the Worst Including Pedophiles, Child Abusers, and Sexual Predators" -- DHS Press Release. (Meanwhile, local elementary schools brace for a shortage of "drag queen story hour" readers.)
"Bombshell DHS sweep in Minneapolis-St. Paul finds 50% of immigrants had committed immigration fraud, with credit card fraud and burglaries ... chief among [their other] crimes" -- New York Post. (Also, 12% of arrestees claimed to be married to U.S. Rep. Ilhan Omar.)
"[Moldovan national] wanted on international warrant facing fraud charges, caught with 131 bogus credit cards in Indiana" -- CBS Chicago. (Ironically, the suspect used his one phone call to contact customer support in Bangladesh.)
"Somali market owners charged with [$10 million] food stamp fraud" -- Columbus Dispatch. (Police said their first clue that something wasn't right was the words "Somali market owners.")
"Five Men from Somalia Arrested on Charges of Forgery, Credit Card Fraud, Drugs in Ohio" -- Hiiraan Online. (Somali market owner agrees to testify against them in exchange for a lighter sentence.)
Even the "good" Ellis Island immigrants brought us anarchism, communism, organized crime, bootlegging and worship of a foreign pope, among other nonindigenous American customs -- i.e., not those of the foundational Dutch and British.
It took us 100 years to assimilate them, and they were Europeans, not drastically different from the people who founded and created our country. Now liberals want us to import entire nations of cannibals, child molesters, thieves and voodoo practitioners.
Perhaps those attributes could be scribbled in crayon on the Statue of Liberty poem by Emma Lazarus -- one of those Ellis Island immigrants.