We’re a quarter of the way through the 21st century, and with that has come an extraordinary amount of human societal evolution. No longer does might make right (well, most of the time). It’s no longer appropriate for men to beat women over the head with clubs and drag them to their caves as a mating ritual. Countries that try to take over other countries for no good reason are almost universally condemned. Slavery, or most of it anyway, is gone. For better or for worse, universal suffrage is the standard in developed countries. Sexual harassment and other forms of toxic masculinity is taboo. Men can pretend to be women and most people will play make-believe with them and tell them how ‘brave’ they are. Homosexuality is universally accepted.
Oh, and men are finally free to cry like little babies in front of their wives or girlfriends and be ensured that they will be praised and respected for being vulnerable and sharing their heartfelt emotions …
(Insert record scratch here …)
Say what you will about all the other ways society has developed over the past several thousand years. Personally, I think it’s a mixed bag. However, I can say one thing with absolute certainty: No amount of evolution will EVER change the fact that men should almost never cry in front of a woman, or anyone for that matter. And this especially includes their girlfriend, if they want to stay in the relationship, and their spouse, if they want to avoid divorce.
You probably don’t like this fact of human nature. You may even rail against it in the comments, but this fact is like all the others - it doesn’t care about your feelings; it’s true nonetheless. Women aren’t attracted to weak men, and crying in front of them makes you look weak. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. I just accept them and am relaying them to you. You’re welcome! Does this mean men never cry? Of course not. Men are perfectly capable of feeling and displaying emotions. They should just display those emotions when they are by themselves or with their priest or shrink, if they have one, and not in front of a woman. And if they are with their lady and feel the irresistible urge to blurt something out, they should hide it at all costs. Like that time during the last scene in Braveheart (watching it for the umpteenth time, mind you) when I had to turn away from my wife and pretend I had something stuck in my throat.
Does this mean there aren’t appropriate times when men can cry in front of their significant other and she won’t die a little inside? There certainly are, but those times should almost exclusively involve funerals or hospitals.
Conservative commentator Matt Walsh put it perfectly in this X post: “A man should basically never cry in front of a woman because he's scared, nervous, frustrated, or overwhelmed. It's one thing to shed a tear of joy over the birth of a child or a tear of mourning over the loss of a loved one or something along those lines. But crying in a way that demonstrates weakness and helplessness -- where the woman is now put in the masculine position of being the strong and stable one -- is always a bad idea and will cause her to lose respect for you, whether she admits it or not. Same goes for crying in front of your children. It makes them feel unsafe and insecure. Don’t do it.”
The reason, as Walsh points to, is the innate desire women have to be with a man who makes them feel safe and secure, and displaying emotions that make you seem weak and helpless will inevitably make her lose respect, and with it a host of other things.
Isn’t this a double standard? Not necessarily, although I can see why people would think that way. When a woman cries, the innate desire of a man is to console her and ‘fix it.’ If anything, it makes him love and care for her more. When a man cries, it’s the exact opposite.
“A woman might have a hard day and cry about it to her husband.” Walsh wrote in a follow-up to the original post. “That’s fine. But a man who has a tough day at work and comes home and cries about it to his wife is behaving in a way that she will rightfully find repulsive and ridiculous. This isn’t a ‘double standard.’ It’s just a reflection of the fact that men aren’t women and shouldn’t act like them.”
I know, I know … you saw some TV morning show hostess interview a perky therapist with glasses that made her look smart who said that women love it when men cry, that it displays openness, trust, and vulnerability and will make her love him even more, and you believed it. I can assure you, that therapist was lying, as is virtually all of society on this issue.
"Do I practice what I preach? I can be an emotional guy at times, but I try my best. The only time my kids have ever seen me get choked up was while giving the eulogy at my father’s funeral. My wife and I have been married for more than 23 years. Over the years I have heard her more than once tell friends or family that she can count on one hand the number of times she has visibly seen me cry. She tells it like it’s a tease on me, but she’s usually looking at me with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. I can tell it’s actually a humble-brag, though she would never admit it.
When they tell you it’s OK to openly weep in front of your spouse, it’s a trap coming from the parts of society that actually would prefer your kids to grow up with divorced parents. Think about it: The people who hate the nuclear family are the ones telling men they should openly display their emotions in front of their wives. Don’t fall for it.