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Illegal Detainees Give Alligator Alcatraz a One-Star Review

Brad Slager
Brad Slager  |  Jul 10, 2025
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Artisanally-Crafted  Narratives – THE MIAMI HERALD

  • You make this sound almost like prison conditions!

Just after President Trump and Governor Ron DeSantis opened up the illegal immigrant holding facility in southwest Dade County, dubbed Alligator Alcatraz, the anti-President Trump and anti-Ron DeSantis newspaper The Miami Herald comes out with a scathing report about the inhumane conditions at the facility. If you are wondering how the paper already learned of these horrors, it is literally a case of The Telephone game: Inmates described what they endure, with third-hand detailed reporting, as they called their family members who then spoke to reporters. This is how you know all the details are 100% accurate and unimpeachable.

One inmate has already been hospitalized (they were treated for a slight injury and sent back in under two hours), mosquitoes are the size of elephants (not at all hyperbolic), they are given only one meal per day (a complete canard) and the food is covered in maggots (a dubious result for a facility not even servicing inmates for a week).

The best is the claim that one of the insufferable conditions present is the inmates dealing with freezing temperatures. In Florida. In a swamp. IN JULY.

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Prose & Contradiction – THE BULWARK

  • “We need to have brave discussions! Just…do it elsewhere, please…”

At the bad ship The Bulwark, they posted an article about the very un-conservative issue of promoting transgender rights, and guiding Democrats on how to manage the narrative. Jill Lawrence speaks boldly about how they cannot shy away from the issue and need to speak boldly on the matter:

There’s no reason for them to fuel the MAGA fires by over thinking, underreacting, and avoiding confrontation. Democrats hold the high ground and should dominate this debate, not dodge it as a distraction from some other (perhaps easier) subject.

Then The Bulwark made the decision to avoid confrontation and dodge debate by shutting off the comments on the article.

Pathological Media Amnesia – MSNBC

  • No, see — she means that YOU shouldn’t do this…

On Monday we detailed how CNN’s Dana Bash had been dumping on President Trump for days about his poor preparedness and reactions to the weather disaster in Texas, when last year she was lecturing against politicizing the weather disaster in North Carolina.

Now, we have MSNBC’s Katy Tur doing…The-Exact-Same-Thing.

News Avoidanroce Syndrome – CINCINNATI INQUIRER

  • Your attempt at creating the next “Maryland Father” narrative has been noted.

It is getting to the point we may need to create a new category, strictly for the ways the press redefines or ignores the illegal status of immigrants detained by ICE. For the latest, we go to Cincinnati, where a pastor has been cruelly detained, as it is sold by the local news outlet.

Left out of the weepy headline is how this is an Egyptian man appearing on the terrorist watch list, has sued the government repeatedly, and had his status revoked by the Biden administration.

Newseum Art Installation – WASHINGTON POST

  • What next, having a Nazi come out to say he is giving them a bad name?!

A new piece has been lent to the publication wing, from WaPo.

Pre-Written Field Reports – THE BULWARK

  • Upon further reading, his opinion shifted. Make that, “upon initial reading.”

Sam Stein has just been on a struggle mission on social media the past few weeks. For his latest, Stein explains that he ended up taking down a post he made insulting Lee Zeldin for a post the EPA administrator put out supporting theories about chemtrails.

Some props, we suppose, to Stein for ultimately admitting his error, but what is striking is what led to Sam making this change. After he slammed Zeldin for his post and the links, he had it pointed out to him that the article Zeldin provided — which Sam clearly never looked over — was debunking chemtrail conspiracies.

Both Kinds of Standards – CNN

  • He really is kind of prissy…and I am really bothered they allow him to do stuff!

For reasons we have yet to grasp, Kara Fischer is highly regarded in media circles, although we frequently see/hear from her in ways that defy that vaunted measure.

For the latest, The Daily Beast details a podcast interview she gave and discussed a recent appearance she made on a panel with Scott Jennings. 

Now, her opposition to a position by Scott is not surprising, but she goes on to describe the standout conservative at the network as “a drama queen.” This is quite a misread on her part, as Jennings is rather known for being unflappable and lighthearted, but it is her ensuing comments that make her assessment all the more off base.

In diva-like fashion, Swisher went on to say that she was displeased with the fact that the network gives him a platform. “God, Scott Jennings on CNN. I work for CNN, I’m sorry, CNN, but that you let him say things like that.” And then to add to her perplexing stance, she also added, after complaining about him having his say – “I agree on the censorious of the left being exhausting.”