Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff going on in politics, both foreign and domestic, right now, and yeah, the Democrats are entirely committed to a path that, if they don’t swerve onto the off-ramp to Commonsenseburg, will inevitably lead to a disaster (Related: Preorder my upcoming novel American Apocalypse: The Second Civil War). But there’s another issue out there that requires our attention, something that touches each and every one of us. It is a mixture of entitlement and cultural confusion. It’s tipping. Tipping has gone from a useful custom to insanity. Bring back the 15 percent, and only for things you should tip for.
I never worked a tipped job myself – the ancient waitress crones at Denny’s never shared tips with little old busboy me during the few weeks I worked there in 1982 prior to being fired for gross incompetence. Well, they’re all dead now and it serves them right. But I like tipping, and I love that Trump plans to make tips untaxable. I eat out a lot. I utilize services a lot. And I think that when someone provides good service, I should throw a little on top. And I usually tip 20 percent because generous tipping shows class and an appreciation for people who have real jobs, as opposed to ones that make the world a worse place, but enough about how I was a lawyer. Conversely, I rarely do not tip – the server is usually not the one creating the problem. The server basically has to tell me I suck and spit in my food not to get tipped. Pro-Tip: Do not wear your “Make America Great Again” hat out to dinner in LA.
The custom of tipping used to involve generosity and a recognition of effort, but now it seems to reflect the obnoxious entitlement that is making America a worse and worse place. It’s called “a gratuity” for a reason; it’s an act of grace, purely voluntary and in exchange for good service. However, it now appears to have become an expectation and an increasingly high expectation, with no concurrent improvement in service quality.
Foreigners are baffled by our tipping culture, which is understandable because so are we. It used to be simple: 15 percent for good service from a serving industry person who performs tasks he/she can control to provide you with a better or worse experience. A waiter can come by often and top off your drinks or can disappear for long, unexplained periods. Your cab driver can take you from Manhattan to Brooklyn directly or via New Jersey. In America, we tip people like that.
Foreigners do not really tip, and this is further proof of why they suck. And some Americans do not tip – ask a server whose table they never want to take. The idea that “Well, they should be paid a living wage” is stupid. We have a culture. Our culture tips. That’s how it is, so tip – but you are not obligated to participate in tipping insanity.
I get the automatic tip for tables of six or more; that’s a lot of work. But I’m drawing the line at automatic tipping for everyone. Where did all these random tip jars come from? Okay, if your service consists of passing a bag with my Whopper over the counter, that’s not a tippable event. I see the tip jar, and I’m not doing it. It’s not happening. You may think less of me, tip jar emotional intimidation dude, but I won’t be thinking of you at all.
Even worse are the screens that invite you to leave a tip before signing off your credit card. Okay, if I am ordering from a screen, that defeats the purpose of tipping. But even those newfangled remote credit card readers your waiter brings you, even at nice places, go further by providing you with only inapplicable options. The tip options never start at 15 percent anymore. That’s the custom. If you are offering options, I would think you would provide the appropriate one. But no – they start at 18 percent. Where did that come from? Was there a collective decision to raise the base tip that everyone got together and made when I was out of town? Then there are usually options for 20 percent and 25 percent. Excuse me? If you want 25 percent, I’ll need the rims on my car buffed out.
And then there is the “Custom” tip option where they do not give you a percentage; you have to figure out the dollar amount if you want to give 15 percent. I just want lunch, not to channel Stephen Hawking. But there is an answer – you can custom tip $0. I hate to zero out people, but, on the other hand, I hate to be dissed worse than Jose Padilla was by J.D. Vance (Imagine being Alex Padilla and the two things you are known for is getting your behind kicked for being weird and the Veep not thinking you are important enough to get your name right).
The entitlement we see with tipping is a symptom of bigger problems in society. I have long held that America has a self-esteem crisis – people have too damn much of it. Everybody is not wonderful simply by virtue of them being them. You deserve what you get, not some arbitrary reward based on you being the very best you that you can be. You are not a crucial cog in society’s machinery because you brewed up a half-caf/half-decaf mocha latte light on the sweetener. It’s nice to toss you a little extra, but we don’t owe you anything.
Here’s when you do tip: Sit-down waiters, bellhops, valet parkers, barbers, nail salon ladies, babysitters, cabbies, bartenders, DoorDash and pizza guys, auto detailers, as well as blackjack dealers when you win.
Here’s when you don’t need to tip: Fast food cashiers, the guy at the 7-Eleven, random retail workers, politicians, blackjack dealers when you lose, and pretty much anyone else with his palm or a tip jar out.
But there is a solution to this crisis. The solution is that you can choose not to be cowed into excessive tipping by people who should not be tipped at all. Some people will be angered by your bold rejection of this custom alteration you never signed onto. Some will frown and furrow their brows as you breeze past their tip jars, but you will walk tall, knowing that you have refused to submit. Stand athwart this tsunami of tip-dunning and cry, “Fifteen percent!”
Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter and pre-order Kurt Schlichter’s action-packed new novel, American Apocalypse: The Second Civil War – coming July 17, 2025!
Get Kurt Schlichter and Irina Moises’s noir fantasy novel, Lost Angeles: Silver Bullets On The Sunset Strip! Also, check out Kurt’s Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels.
My super-secret email address is kurt.schlichter@townhall.com