Sure, Los Angeles is a burning wasteland where communist agitators and Third World peasant invaders loot and pillage with the tacit approval of California’s Democrat overlords while the regime media describes the chaos as a joyous, peaceful, and spontaneous manifestation of anger at President Trump for daring to enforce duly enacted laws, but there is an upside. Every cloud has a silver lining, and in this case, the silver lines are running through the prissily pampered hairstyle of Governor Gavin Newsom. The best part of all the recent brick-tossing, Mexican flag-waving, and Apple Store-looting is that this ridiculous man now has absolutely zero chance of ever being president.
He really wants to be president, and his wanting is the alpha and omega of the rationale for his doing so. Gavin Newsom is not only an empty suit; he’s barely a suit at all. He’s not just unaccomplished. He’s negatively accomplished. He managed to take Scat Francisco, an open sewer masquerading as a city even before he became mayor and made it worse. Then he took California, the formerly great Golden State that was already slip-sliding to the bottom of the slippery slope under Democrat supermajorities when he took over and made it worse.
How much worse? Hordes of ravenous hobos wander California’s streets, littering them with needles and their droppings. Criminals pilfer our stores, invade our homes, and terrify our citizens. Schools teach kids they can switch genders but not how to read. Big companies and productive individuals are blowing this popsicle stand; with 12% of America’s population, California has about 33 1/3% of its welfare bums. Oh, and what his state’s gross incompetence hasn’t gotten burned down by wildfires will get burned down by his state’s coddling of semi-human savages. But hey, the weather can be fantastic.
So, of course, he wants to be president. The Bouffant Buffoon promises to do the same for the United States of America. What a campaign slogan: “America, let me do for you what I did for California!” It’s like a backwoods hillbilly touting his canoe trip guide services with a five-star Yelp review from Ned Beatty.
On paper, Gavin Newsom should be a serious Democrat contender. He’s no genius, but at least he’s not a senile human eggplant, putting him far ahead of the last Democrat president. He is frequently able to construct coherent sentences and does not break down in spasms of bizarre cackling, putting him far ahead of the last Democrat nominee. He has a résumé listing important jobs, which seems impressive if you don’t investigate how well he did them. He’s got money and a lot of rich friends, so he can pay for a run. He’s shiny and good-looking, kind of like a political Patrick Bateman. He’s definitely not deep, but he could probably go on for an hour discoursing on his morning skincare regimen. To the key Democrat demographic of female-identifying SSRI goblins, he looks like Prince Charming through the Chardonnay–fueled haze in their broken brains. And he’s got the advantage of Democrat desperation; don’t put it past the Democrats to be so eager to win in 2028 that they throw all their diversity posturing out the window and cry, “Get us a cis penis person of pallor!”
The problem is that he’s bad at his job. And he doesn’t even seem to like it. Whenever you see Gavin Newsom in his gov mode, you get the impression that he’d rather be anywhere else doing anything else. It’s not like he actually does anything as governor. With guys like Newsom, it’s not the doing. It’s the being. He wants to be governor; he doesn’t want to do the hard things a real governor does. And it would be the same thing if he were to become president. He wants to be the president; the doing stuff part is a huge hassle that gets in the way of him being the center of attention.
His personal life is just as disastrous as his tenure as governor. He famously had to make a speech confessing that he had tapped his best friend’s wife. Hilariously, Donald Trump, Jr., snagged his former wife, a move so alpha there’s not even a letter of the alphabet to describe Newsom’s status. In the last few days, a professional football player began insisting on Twitter that he had a history of intimate personal interactions with Newsom’s current wife. Yikes. Well, at least Gavin can be secure in the knowledge that if this whole politics thing doesn’t work out, he’ll fit right in as a staffer at “The Bulwark.”
Newsom has not announced that he’s going to run, but he’s obviously going to run. His plan is to occupy the totally empty moderate lane in the upcoming 2028 primaries. As part of that, lately, he has been pretending not to hate conservatives. He went on some conservative shows, and he had some conservatives on his podcast to demonstrate that, “Hey, we can all get along. See? See?” Some conservatives didn’t like the idea of platforming Newsom, but they are wrong. The more you platform him, the more he talks, and the more he talks, the more aware people become that he’s close to being a clinical moron. He did not get where he is by intelligence – witness his genius move of denying he spoke to Trump when iPhones keep receipts. He got where he is by having just enough cunning to leverage his limited assets and his long-standing circle of rich friends into being the front man for the poisonous ideology that has ruined California and promises to ruin America next given the opportunity.
But America, despite the presence of so many idiots on the dismal side of the Bell Curve, is not going to fall for this guy. If presiding over such disasters as the high-speed train to nowhere, the crisping of Pacific Palisades and the enpooping of the City by the Bay are not enough to repel voters, the riots in Los Angeles will be. Imagine if he runs for president and somehow wins the nomination – a thought that’s a grave indictment of the Democrats’ current underwhelming bench. He currently looks completely impotent in the face of Donald Trump; much like his son stole his gal, The Donald stole The Gav’s National Guard infantry brigade.
Every single Republican ad is going to show that guy on the motorcycle in front of the line of police cars with smoke and flames in the background waving the flag of Mexico. The choice is clear, and very few people outside of the coastal cities and the college campuses are going to choose an America dominated by militant illegals over an America that belongs to Americans.
He wants to blame Trump for the riots in his state, but it’s not Trump‘s job to make sure Los Angeles doesn’t go to hell. It’s Gavin Newsom’s, and Governor Hairstyle has a consistent track record of failure, of which this latest disaster is yet another check in the “L” column. Who’s he going to blame when he’s president? There may be a sign on the Resolute Desk reading “The Buck Stops Here,” but Gavin Newsom won’t be sitting there. He’ll be out having dinner at the French Laundry like he did when all the rest of you peasants were locked in your houses lest you catch a cold.
So, this is how it ends for Gavin Newsom. As usual, Trump managed to grab the 80% side of an 80/20 issue – whether uppity peasant invaders from global hellholes should not be allowed to run rampant on our streets versus whether we should kiss their collective heinies and give them free stuff. In contrast, Gavin Newsom has managed only to grab himself and stand there looking stupid. But, in fairness, his hair is fantastic.
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Gavin Newsom's chances of being president are now absolutely zero. This is good for Republicans, as the Democrats don't have a bench, and good for the country as a President Newsom would be a complete disaster.
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