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OPINION

Boot the Ungrateful Foreigners the Hell Out of America

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Eric Gay

I am loving this uproar over that communist terrorist fluffer from Columbia University, Mahmoud Khalil, who the feds detained with an eye towards booting his sorry rear out of our glorious country. First, I love how the commies are crying about it, how suddenly they care about free speech even though they carried absolutely nothing about free speech when normal patriotic Americans were being rounded up for daring to oppose abortion and bogus elections. I love how they’re calling his totally legitimate arrest a “kidnapping” when this guy’s unseemly and eager onanism over his dirtbag Palestinian buddies' kidnapping of innocent Israelis is what got him busted in the first place. But mostly, I love this imbroglio because it shows that we Americans are not going to take any more guff from uppity foreigners. 

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We’re booting this tool out of our great country. It may take a bit of time to wind its way through the courts, but he’s gone. We should be booting his wife out, too, before she drops her kid – hey, a fetus leftists don’t want to kill! – and it gets American citizenship. In fact, we should boot out all these agitators and malcontents, deporting every single weirdo, loser, and mutation who hates America and thinks they have a free pass to try and gin up their Marxist revolution here on our sacred soil.

We’re done. We tried tolerance, and they attacked Jewish Americans. They would murder the rest of us too given the chance, so we're not giving them one. Get the hell out.

And they will get the hell out. The law is very clear, and it’s very clear that this guy is going to soon be on a one-way flight to whatever geographic zit he popped out of. So will a bunch of his fellow travelers. See, we’re done with ungrateful foreigners. We’re not taking it anymore. American idiots are bad enough. We don’t need to import any more idiots. In fact, we need tariffs, idiot tariffs. And idiot reparations from the garbage countries they come from, but that’s down the road. 

For now, it’s enough to throw them on a plane and get them the hell out of here, and the Trump administration is doing just that. ICE isn’t stopping with this creep. There are plenty of other aspiring Bin Ladens on the list. Playtime is over. If you overstay your visa, get out. If you run around singing and dancing and supporting terrorists, get out. If you jaywalk, get out. No slack, zero tolerance.

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Every time some loudmouth alien radical gets deported, a patriot gets his wings. 

Why the hell are we letting all these useless foreigners into America in the first place? Don’t we have enough morons here already? Are these foreigners doing the jobs American traitors just won’t do? From the fussing and moaning we heard when Khalil got taken into custody, you might be excused for thinking he is some sort of combination of Albert Schweitzer and Jonas Salk. But then when you get the real story about what this guy really wants – which, not to put too fine a point on it, is to start a revolution that ends with you and everybody you ever loved being raped and murdered – and you start looking at mere deportation as the squishy compromise position.

We keep hearing from our terrible elite that we are under some amorphous moral obligation to allow entry and residence to anyone who hates us. It’s unclear what the source of that moral obligation is, but it’s probably their deep-seated hatred of other Americans. And a lot of foreigners hate us, too. Just the other day, Secretary of State Marco Rubio – who’s been awesome – told the South African ambassador to get the hell out of our country. This Hamas-hugging jerk had been going around talking about how Trump is a white supremacist and blah blah blah blah blah. Rubio just wasn’t having it, and we don’t need to have it. This clown represents one of the world’s biggest armpits, and he’s lecturing us? Buh-bye.

There’s no reason for us to put up with this. We keep hearing about the “Ugly American,” but I spent a lot of time overseas watching other Americans, and we Yanks are the nicest people there are. We’re generally polite, we’re very generous, and we’re willing to pretend that the foreigners are our equals. Maybe we need to be Ugly Americans. We definitely need to be Americans who aren’t going to take crap from alien schmucks who want us enslaved or dead. If that makes me an ugly American, okay foreigner, call me “Rosie O’Donnell,” and get the hell out.

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Here’s the thing about foreigners – they are almost all way worse people than most Americans. I know, I know, I’m supposed to pretend that it’s a small world and everybody is wonderful and that we should teach the world to sing and share a Coke, but that’s nonsense. I spent years of my life overseas helping to referee European internecine squabbles, and I am completely devoid of any illusion that most people who are not Americans are worth more than a bucket of warm spit. They’re barbarians, monsters, savages, and that’s just the Europeans.

Oh, the Europeans, with their haughty attitude and maggot-like ability to live off the corpse of their continent’s past greatness. I’m so tired of them and their constant complaining as if I need to be lectured by some frigid Belgian woman with a hairstyle like a drill sergeant and a bolt through her nose about how I am awful for not wanting to pour my country's money and blood into some Slavic slugfest. It’s not that I care what they think or say because I don’t. It’s just that they’re irritating, like a ringing in your ears or a Taylor Swift song. It’s the grating pretension of these fussy nobodies daring to lecture us when their track record for the last hundred years or so has been nothing but one mammoth failure after another. 

Europe is basically just a museum now, with empty cathedrals, art from centuries ago, and decent croissants. What have they created in the last 50 years? I guess they’re pretty good with Legos and cars, but not much else. It’s an exhausted, decadent culture. Europeans are a broken people, bereft of manhood, the best of them have jumped on ships to come to America or died in the trenches during Europe’s endless wars. Those remaining are the detritus at the bottom of the table-wine barrel. They believe in nothing, they care about nothing but the Eurovision Song Contest, and they can’t even be bothered to mate sufficiently to maintain their population. Instead, they allow hordes of Third World barbarians to sweep over what used to be their borders, and then they cry because they can’t walk around at night anymore without getting stabbed or worse. If they were men, they would stand up and fix the situation. They’re neither standing up nor fixing the situation, so what does that tell you about their gender identity?

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The thought that they are somehow going to revitalize NATO with their newly reborn warrior spirit is absolutely hilarious. Richard the Lion-Hearted has given way to Greta the Non-Binary. Germany has less than a division ready to fight. Canada’s once fearsome military now marches with the same exactitude and precision as drunken white people at a Connecticut wedding busting a move to “Baby Got Back.” And Great Britain, well, it’s just sad what happened to this formerly great imperial power. They barely have an army or an air force, and the once legendary Royal Navy has been cut so deeply that they’ve got no lash anymore; all they have left is rum and some sodomy.

Let’s face facts. We Americans are better than everybody else and by a long shot. The beauty of Donald Trump is that he acts like it. For too long, we Americans were polite to foreigners and acted as though we respected them. This gave them the false impression that they matter. They don't. They are not our equals, and almost none of them deserve our respect. Are there some that do? Oh, hell, yes. The Israelis are completely badass. I’ve worked with Brit, Ukrainian, and even French soldiers who impressed me. But sadly, that was a long time ago. Today, Europe is just a bunch of feminine men and childless, middle-aged leftist women running their nations into the ground. One might hope there will be a revolution, but I’m not sure the Europeans could be bothered with one. They would have to get off their sofas and turn off the telly.

But those foreigners are overseas, and those foreigners’ problems belong to those foreigners. Our problem with foreigners here is easy to solve, and the Trump administration is solving it. If you aliens are not going to do exactly what we want you to do exactly how we want you to do it, get the hell out. We’re done with you. We owe you nothing. It’s a privilege to be here. And if you look at us cross-eyed, you’re on a plane back to whatever cesspool you crawled out of.

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As we say here in the US of A, there’s a new sheriff in town, and we are his posse. We’re not the ugly Americans. We’re the Based Americans.

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get the newest volume in the Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, the bestselling Amazon #1 Military Thriller, Overlord! And get his new novel about terrorism in America, The Attack!

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