One of my first bosses out of college said something to me I’ve heard a lot since, but for the first time in his office that day: As far as the political parties go, Republicans are stupid and Democrats are evil. I laughed at the time. This was the early 2000s, and while Democrats were surely trying to do bad and advocating for much worse, they weren’t yet the proto-Nazis they are today. Well, they are those fascists today. And while Republicans are certainly dumb when it comes to messaging, the average Democrat voter has gotten dumb to the point that they must wear slip-on shoes, as the concept of tying a knot is, for them, a bridge too far.
I got an email on Saturday from the group “Stop Republicans.” I assume this group was founded by people with no creativity whatsoever and that “Republicans Are Poopy Heads” was already taken.
The group fundraises constantly, each appeal being dumber than the last. If you told me they were a social experiment to find out just how dumb an appeal for money is too dumb of an appeal for money, I would believe you. In fact, it’s the only thing that makes any sense about this group.
How dumb have they gone? They’re now using Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg to raise money.
If you have a baby, or know someone who does, the reason they are very worried about being able to find baby formula for their child is Secretary Mayor Pete. If you are having difficulty getting a new car, or paying through the nose for a used one, thank Secretary Mayor Pete.
If you can’t get anything, as a matter of fact, thanks to the supply chain collapse, thank him. Just keep in mind that he, like so many aspects of the Biden administration, is “historic.” See, while Secretary Mayor Pete is in no way remotely qualified for his position, he’s also gay. And as the first gay man to hold that job, it doesn’t matter how bad he is at it or that he has no business holding that position in the first place, being gay is enough.
Or course, if you had to have life-saving brain surgery, would you go to someone touted as the first gay brain surgeon, or would you go to the best brain surgeon, whether they were gay or not? For normal people, the answer is clear. For Democrats, well, better to die on the table than perpetuate cis-normative lifestyles.
Since Secretary Mayor Pete is “historic,” the drones in the Democrat Army love him. They couldn’t name an accomplishment that doesn’t involve his genitals, but they love him anyway. And since they’re stupid people, Stop Republicans decided to use Secretary Mayor Pete to dip deeper into the wallets of the boobs they are parasites of.
Their email starts, “Derek: Tucker Carlson just ATTACKED Pete Buttigieg in front of MILLIONS. Tucker Carlson: ‘Pete Buttigieg is a disgrace and should resign.’”
It continues, “Tucker is DESTROYING Pete on live TV, and he has NO support from your area! Derek, we think Pete Buttigieg is amazing. He’s working closely with President Biden to: INVEST in our roads and highways, INNOVATE our public transit systems, and CREATE MILLIONS of American jobs in the process (WOW!) Now, he is considering PENALIZING airlines for flight disruptions to protect travelers!” Forget that you can’t feed your kid, he might screw Delta!
“But Tucker Carlson and his followers are DEMANDING for his resignation, and it looks like they might succeed,” they screech. “NO!! So we need a FLOOD of signatures to stand up to these attacks and protect Buttigieg. Sign before MIDNIGHT.”
I don’t know about you, but if an organization sends me something that presumably passed through the hands of a few editors and it still contains a line like, “Tucker Carlson and his followers are DEMANDING for his resignation,” I can’t take them seriously. Unless, maybe, they’re from eastern Europe and English is their 5th language.
Secretary Mayor Pete is a complete failure, having overseen the collapse of the supply chain from paternity leave after adopting a couple of kids. How much do you want to bet that his kids have not been impacted by the baby formula shortage? It’s good to be in government, gives you access to things you otherwise wouldn’t get.
Yes, the Republican Party is very stupid when it comes to strategic thinking and messaging, but I’ll take a stupid party establishment that can learn over an evil party establishment with a base who can’t any day of the week.
