I’m periodically asked why I share political humor on this blog. The glib and easy answer is that it’s good to share amusing material.
But there’s also a serious point, especially when disseminating jokes from the late-night talk shows. Politicians should be mocked. And the more pretentious they are, the more vicious we should be.
Even the ones we like should be subject to ridicule. Elected officials often get very egotistical because they spend all day being flattered by lobbyists. Our role is to make sure there’s a countervailing force.
So enjoy these gems.
Jay Leno
- What do you think your odds are of winning that jackpot? The last odds I checked, 176 million to 1. But then again, still better odds than Newt Gingrich getting the nomination.
- I think even President Obama realizes the Obamacare thing is not looking good in front of the Supreme Court. He’s starting to downplay it. Like today he called it Bidencare.
- Newt Gingrich announced today he is laying off a third of his campaign staff. Is that surprising? He laid off two-thirds of his wives.
- In New York City this week, they had the annual Greek Independence Day Parade. In fact, it was so authentically Greek that before the parade even started it was $12 million in debt.
- A madam in New York City claims that John Edwards was a customer in her brothel. You hear that kind of thing and it really makes you lose respect for prostitutes, doesn’t it?
- This weekend former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. And I thought this was nice — they let him shoot the donor himself.
- Fox News sent Dick Cheney flowers. MSNBC sent chili cheese fries.
David Letterman
- Rick Santorum wants to ban pornography. That’s one of the few thriving industries America has left.
Conan
- Yesterday, Mitt Romney told what he thought was a humorous story about how his father closed down a Michigan factory. Then Romney went on to quote some of his favorite funny quotes from the movie “Schindler’s List.”
- The Supreme Court is deciding right now whether the government can mandate that all Americans buy health insurance. Rick Santorum said, “There’s no way I’m letting the government make me go on a man date.”
- In Germany, a court has ruled that German police are allowed to racially profile citizens. But don’t worry. It’s Germany, so things shouldn’t get out of hand.
- Today is Ann and Mitt Romney’s 43rd wedding anniversary. This means that 43 years ago Mitt proposed to his wife and due to a weak field of candidates, she said yes.
Jimmy Fallon
- A new poll found that President Obama’s approval rating is above 50 percent for the first time since last May. Obama made sure to thank the people who made that possible — Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul.
- Rick Santorum gave a speech at the Jelly Belly factory in California. Incidentally, “Jelly Belly Factory” was also Newt Gingrich’s nickname in college.
- A recent survey showed that Rick Santorum is the favorite GOP candidate among Republican women. When he heard that, Santorum was like, “Wait — women have the right to vote?”
- Ron Paul said it’s still too early to count him out as the Republican nominee. Seriously? That’s like Newt Gingrich saying it’s too early to count him out as an Abercrombie model.
- That’s right — Rick Santorum was seen lying on the beach without his shirt on. He would have worn sunscreen, but he’s not really into protection.
Jimmy Kimmel
- Some top Republicans are urging Newt Gingrich to leave the race, but he says he’s sticking around. If they could get him to marry the race, he would probably leave it eventually.
- This Wednesday Mitt Romney goes one-on-one in a debate against the one man who stands in the way of his nomination: Mitt Romney.
- Rick Santorum wants to crack down on pornography. Most political analysts say it could hurt him with the “every single man in America” vote.
If you find these one-liners amusing, you can enjoy previous editions by clicking here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.